It's sunday

I’m sitting outside with a glass of wine, watching the sun cast long shadows as it departs for the day. Another day is ending and the weekend is soon to be a distant memory. There are little birds chitter chatting in the trees and fluttering down to the bushes. I noticed a pigeon earlier with feathers in it’s beak, must be feathering it’s nest. The wind is turning a touch chilly, it’s not yet summer, but the sky today was an awesome blue, with promises of a good day.

The wine is good and cool and turns warm in my tummy … I’m relaxed and feeling content. Then strangely, uninvited, thoughts of ‘him’ invade my mind. I want to send ‘him’ an sms and say Hello, did you have a good weekend, how are you? But some part of me feels the need to resist. I don’t want to feel like a fool – again!

Yesterday I spent some time with one of my sisters. We drank coffee at her kitchen nook and talked. We talked about men and my ex and then she asked how does it feel to have your world turned upside down and to suddenly be responsible for yourself, without the lifted eyebrows and disapproving comments and gestures, after spending 13 years not doing and saying what I would like to keep peace. It made me think. It made me realise how far I’ve come. I came to the conclusion that 365 days after the revelation, I am moving on. I don’t feel as though I’m cheating when I go out on a date or daydream about someone. It’s a year since the ex revealed his new relationship and in a few days, the children and I have been back for a year. The time has flown by so quickly, but we’re making it. It’s a whole new world for us, a new unit, a new family and a new kind of life.

I realised I’m a whole new person; stronger, wiser, reliant, responsible. I realised that I stand taller, that I can get my point across without losing my cool, that I can cook what I like without pandering to someone else’s taste. I can decorate my home the way I want. I can paint my toenails, pierce my belly (which I did do ;-) and wear a toe ring. I’m my own person, 14 years later, and it terrifies and delights me all at the same time.


Life is not measured
by the number of breaths we take
but by the moments
that take our breath away.

:: Unknown ~::