Thursday, April 8, 2010

Getting real

I love this post over at 'Already Pretty'!  This part especially "Train yourself to evaluate the body messages that come in, and disregard the ones that don't apply." 

Last night I watched 'How to look good naked" and it featured Heather who was born with congenital heart defect and had such issues with herself, despite being drop dead gorgeous and oh so cute.  As schatzie I watched it and saw her trying on dresses in Miami, we were commenting on how the scar between her breasts is barely noticeable and that it enhances her cleveage.  Its tv shows like this that makes me glad I'm at peace with my own body now. 

For years and years and years, even when I was a ridiculous 55 kgs and 1.68 m height (hyper-active thyroid), I felt 'fat' ... I hated my hips ... I wished there was an operation that could take them away I was often heard saying they could just cut open the sides and 'saw' it all off - no matter how thin I was, there they were ... H.I.P.S.  Child-bearing hips my high school Home Economics teacher called them.  Wonderful round hips with this teeny-tiny waist (I now think Marilyn Monroe not monsterville) that makes finding jeans that fit perfectly almost impossible. 

But after my divorce, returning to South Africa, quitting smoking, gaining a good 15 - 18 kgs it was pretty easy to beat myself up, and for months that's exactly what I did.  I had this wonderful leather whip that I would lash myself with (figuratively of course) and boy did I do a good job of it.  Then I saw a picture of myself on my 38th birthday and my jaw hit the ground ... I looked ghastly!  My arms looked like little toothpicks ... that was the day my eyes were opened and I decided enough.  Enough time spent berating myself, enough time wasted wishing my hips would disappear, they were never going to go anywhere.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware of the extra weight I'm carrying right now on my thighs, butt and tummy and I don't give myself licence to 'not care', but I'm gentler with me. 

It took a lot of reminding, a lot retraining my thoughts, reactions, a lot of reminding myself to be kind, to speak words of encouragement and love to myself, instead of being a nasty bitch.  And would you know, it does work.  It takes practice and time, and I still at times want to be nasty to myself, but I remind myself that this is the body God gave me, hips 'n all, and it's served me well, and its taken enough abuse and I do my best to love it. 

So love that body, lumps bumps and all the other things you think is wrong with it and remember, a master designer planned you and when you realise how magnificent that design is, you have no option but to look at yourself in total wonder ... you are wonderful Woman ... now treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.

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Have a fabulous day now and I'll be coming round to visit you as soon as I can.

Thanks again, Wendy